What Hurts the Most

Was being so close. Kind of gay to start off with a Rascall Flatts lyric but that’s what rang true most in my drunken haze that was the week after Super Bowl. Over a week has gone by and I still can’t believe what happened. I wasn’t able to watch ESPN for days and the only article I’ve been able to read about it was by Bill Simmons, the best sportswriter there is. When the Pedro and the Sox blew the lead in game seven of the 2003 ALCS, my buddy and I (we were already fairly inebriated) started drinking Captain Morgan’s heavily and I had the luck of being passed out on a bathroom floor for Boone’s homer. This spared me the absolute heartbreak of that moment and I considered myself lucky to never witness a Boston heartbreaker like that live… until now.

When the Pats acquired Randy Moss, my buddy Bill and I agreed that they really shouldn’t even lose a game this year. This was of course wishful thinking but eventually became more and more realistic as the season progressed. With the exception of that 04 Sox team, I have never invested myself so heavily in a team in my life. I planned my weekends around the games, something that eventually contributed to the end of my relationship with my girlfriend at the time (who incidentally turned out to be a psycho anyway). Whatever went wrong in our lives, we had the Pats. When the NFL turned them into the ultimate villain after the overblown Spygate, we rallied around them even more. This was our team under attack, their past accomplishments being called into question every week. This was our chance to silence everyone forever by winning the big one and becoming the unquestionably most dominant team in NFL history.
I lived and died with every game, even imploring my mom who hates football to watch because “this could be something I tell my grandchildren I was lucky enough to see in my lifetime.” And just like that, it went from following the greatest football team of all time to a punch line. After the game I literally did not know what to do, packing my pockets full of big boy sodas and going for a 2 hour walk in the freezing cold. Me and my buddies couldn’t bring ourselves to talk about it… resorting to a 2 am showing of Mighty Ducks 2 to drag us away from our misery. Other fans would call us spoiled, allowing such an entertaining season to be ruined in this way, but they just don’t understand.

The following day I had to attend a wake for a friend whose brother had died in a car accident, a sober reminder that in the big picture sports are really not that important. But sports are also where so many of us turn when things go bad, and the distraction from our everyday lives is part of what makes them so great. The Pats were so close to completing the greatest season in sports history. It took literally the greatest play in Super Bowl history and Asante Samuel blowing a sure interception in his likely final game as a member of the Patriots. But pitchers and catchers report soon and the Celts are finally contenders. So pour out a little liquor for the 2007 Pats… it will take me a while to get over this one.

Clark and Michael

Everyone should check out Clark and Michael, a hilarious and groundbreaking series produced by CBS studios and available only online at http://www.clarkandmichael.com/ . Starring Clark Duke and Michael Cera (of 'Arrested Development'- the most underrated and unfairly canceled series of all time- fame), each 10 minute episode produces consistent laugh out loud moments. Everyone should check this out. Even if the humor isn't for you (which I find hard to believe), it is important to recognize the future of television entertainment. Soon the computer and television will be one and the same... you can already see it coming with the Apple TV and new Dell XPS-One. Users will be able to flip from ESPN to the latest Youtube phenomenon instantaneously. This will change the entire industry paradigm, from shows to advertising. Clark and Michael is a worthy pioneer in this new media world.

Rocket vs. B-Mac

Who’s the Real Backstabber?

When news first broke that Brian McNamee cooperated with the Feds and gave up information on a number of major leaguers, most notably Rogah Clemens, the prevailing opinion of him was that of a backstabbing rat. Peter Gammons even called him something amounting to that on ESPN. While the public condemnation of Clemens has been just as severe (assumed guilty), the prevailing opinion of him is that he could be lying about someone who has literally treated him like family. But when anyone (even an ardent Clemens fan like Mike Wallace or… Mike Wallace) takes a closer look, it becomes clear who the real backstabber of this broken friendship is.

Clemens and his legal team no doubt intended his 60 Minutes spot and next-day news conference to go a long way in placing reasonable doubt in the mind of the public. But instead it seems to have backfired. His answers to the softballs lobbed to him by Wallace came across as overly defensive, a sentiment that was slammed home by the negative body language of one of the most uncomfortable and intriguing news conferences in recent history. Rogah has already been caught in one significant lie (that he had no idea he would be named in the Mitchell Report) and has put forth the downright absurd claim that the Hall of Fame means nothing to him. (Oh really Rocket? What about that silly controversy about what hat you would be wearing years ago? Or how you considered retiring so your Mom would be able to make it to the ceremony?) Finally, listening to the 17 minute phone conversation brought up many new questions and suspicions.

It is pretty clear that Clemens knows that the call is being recorded and McNamee does not. Clemens makes a big show of professing compassion for McNamee’s sick son and overburdened family. I do not think McNamee knew it was being recorded, as he swears a bit more and generally comes across as a little more pathetic than someone would if they knew the tapes were rolling. Throughout the conversation, he pleads with Clemens, asking “What do you want me to do?”. This would seem to be the perfect opportunity to say “stop lying you snake son of a bitch” instead of “I just need someone to tell the truth.” I was hit hard by memories of The Godfather when the informant shuts up and kills himself in order to ensure his family is protected and his honor is not lost. You can just tell that McNamee is literally sick over this. He never wanted to give up Clemens and the fact that he had no choice is eating him from the inside out. But he never recants his story or says that he is being untruthful throughout the entire conversation. Instead, he offers to go to jail for his friend, who is simply using him (and his sick son) as a tool to try to clear his name.

Finally, the simple fact remained that McNamee HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO LIE! I know many people have not sat down with the light bedtime reading material that is The Mitchell Report, but I strongly recommend at least checking out the specific part about Clemens. (Found here: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/baseball/mlb/12/13/mitchellreport.rogerclemens/index.html ) This makes it painfully clear that McNamee is only going to avoid jail time by telling the truth! If he lies in any way he’s in even more trouble than he started in. He has already given up Andy Pettitte, a big name (who has also said what McNamee said is true) and it is impossible to believe that anyone in their right mind would implicate a huge name such as Clemens if they were lying. The scrutiny would be so severe that it would never hold up.

Eventually, the truth will come out and people will make their own judgments. McNamee’s lawyer has recently come forward with the news that there is another tape, this one of a conversation his client had with Clemen’s representation before the report came out. Right now it looks like it will be a showdown in Congress, with one person setting themselves up for some serious perjury charges. Let’s watch and remember where we were when America’s national pastime’s biggest stars lost what little credibility they had left.

This post was written with the help of B-12 only.

Where You Wanna Watch the Game?

Evaluating Places to Watch a Game

Over the course of this glorious Patriots football season, I have had the opportunity (and sometimes, unfortunate luck) of watching the games in a variety of places. Your opinion of the game and overall game-watching experience is very different depending on where you watch it. So, because the Pats are off this week for the opening round of the playoffs and because I am bored out of my mind at work, I have compiled a list of the various places to watch a game and analyzed and compared each one. This should be riveting stuff.

1. Your (or your buddy’s) place: Great option because you are in complete control. Your TV, your guest list, your beer. Chances are you catch a lot of games here and are (hopefully) relatively comfortable. There are few things more enjoyable then settling into your couch with your friends and cracking a few brewskis in anticipation of a huge game, berating Chris Collinsworth or worshiping Randy Moss and Wes Welker.

2. The House You Grew Up In (or house that your parents currently reside): A very underrated option. While I was in school I would enjoy the games that would fall during breaks so I could watch the games in the comparative luxury of the house of my childhood. There was always better food than whatever frozen pizza or stale chips were left over from last night’s shenanigans at school. Watching games in the house that you grew up in brings back many great memories of past victories (and many, many Red Sox heartbreakers) from your childhood. My favorite thing about it though is being able to watch a game with my Dad. He’s the one who made me into the huge sports fan I am today, from the Celtic’s season tickets during the Dino Radja and Rick Pitino glory days to our devoted following of the Sox. There is always something special about watching a game with your pops.

3. Bar: A regular bar is more ideal if you are going out with your buddies for the night and the game is one that can be relegated to the background. If it’s not a terribly important game, chances are you won’t mind if you just occasionally take a look over at the TV in the corner as you grind on the dance floor with a girl who you think is at least an 8 (though probably closer to a 6) trying desperately to make your goofy feet stay in rhythm with the music. Or maybe you can stare through the window as you stand outside freezing your ass off calling your girlfriend or buddy to meet you outside because the bouncer did not appreciate one of your innocent jokes during your cigarette break. Either way, watching a game at a bar will ensure that the game will not be the top priority of the night.

4. Sports Bar: A sports bar is a great spot to watch a game with some fellow fans. It is also a huge life saver if the game you want to see is on NFL Network or there are many games on at the same time that you simply cannot miss. One of my favorites in the Boston area is Roggie’s (pictured), a small spot in the BC area where during happy hour me and my brosefs have put down many a Beerzilla (14 beers poured into a towering pitcher/tap contraption). Or maybe you just want to go watch the C’s at Hooters to enjoy some nice breasts and wings. Either way a sports bar can be a nice change of pace if you want to get out of the house or dorm.

5. Abroad: Tough situation here. Most of the locals most likely don’t give a damn about your team or have any good tips on where you can watch it. Unless you want to be watching a gamecast over the internet, chances are you need to scout out an American sports bar in the area. You will have to arrive early, as they are usually filled to capacity and good real estate for game watching is extremely limited. On a recent visit to London I watched the Pats end the Schottenheimer regime in San Diego from the Sports Café in London (pictured). We had to arrive a full three hours early to get a table, but once we were seated it was basically the same environment as a regular sports bar, maybe even friendlier as fellow American sports fans are so ecstatic about being around each other that the place is even more raucous than anything on the other side of the ocean.

6. At your girlfriend’s house: Ugh. Even typing those words sends a chill up my spine and triggers memories that I have tried to bury for a long, long time. Simply put, do everything humanly possible to avoid this last option. I recently got roped into watching the Pats-Bills game over dinner at my girlfriend’s (who moved back home after graduation) house. After weeks of complaining (justly) that I never wanted to watch the games with her, I finally ran out of excuses when the game fell on a Sunday night I had already committed to having dinner there. I didn’t even know it was possible to be so miserable during a 40 point win. Instead of dissecting the latest Randy Moss route I found myself constantly dragged into conversations I literally could not have cared less about. And I mean could not have cared less even if the PATS WEREN’T PUTTING ON ONE OF THE GREATEST OFFENSIVE SHOWS I HAD EVER (KIND OF) SEEN. I mean my god, one minute I was defending Tom Brady’s actions with Bridget Moynihan (who I firmly believe tricked him into that baby) and the next I was discussing some actress who was saving seals or some shit. Having dinner with your girlfriend’s parents can be miserable enough on its own, but this was too much. I was going insane. The only plays I remember even seeing of that game were the interception and first Moss touchdown. After the game, right before I got the hell out of there, my girlfriend remarked that I had been kind of quiet and almost downright disinterested in the dinner conversation. I almost threw up. Incidentally, this girl turned out to be absolutely insane anyway and I broke up with her shortly after. One day I’ll tell the story of the scandal that erupted when I lightly suggested that we wrap up her birthday dinner by 9 so we could watch GAME 3 OF THE F-ING WORLD SERIES!! But that’s neither here nor there. What is important is that you must avoid this last option at all costs. I mean that.

That’s all I got. Now that I look at it I think that maybe I subconsciously wanted to vent about how miserable I was during that last option. Can’t be healthy but it felt good.

2007 Awards

Due to the frustrating writer’s strike, Michael Scott was unable to pass out and Dundie Awards this year. In that spirit, here are my picks for the best of 2007:


Best TV Show: Tough competition here, and after much soul searching I have had to split it into two categories: drama and comedy. The drama title goes to The Wire, which edges Lost by a few points. Lost had a little bit of an up and down year but “toootally redeemed itself” with the mind blowing season finale. As for The Wire, for four years it has consistently produced some of the most thought provoking, controversial, and downright entertaining content that the world has ever seen. Battlestar Galactica slipped a little in season three, and a downright flop from the usually strong 24 left The Wire and Lost as the top contenders. I am counting down the days to the season premiers of both of these shows, although the fact that Lost will only be eight episodes is enough to make me want to cry. Speaking of crying, the lack of the annual Office Christmas episode sent me on one of the tougher benders of my life. But The Office gets the nod in the comedy division of the award. Season three was hilarious, there’s nothing more to say. It is the funniest show (with the possible exception of the cruelly cancelled Arrested Development) I have ever seen. Hands down. Notable entries included the hilarious newcomer Californication, Flight of the Conchords, and the consistent Family Guy, but it really wasn’t close.


Movie: Similar to how I split up television, Superbad wins for comedy while Bourne Ultimatum wins for action/drama. Knocked Up and American Gangster were the two runner ups in each category. You can’t go wrong with Denzel and Crowe in a move, but Matt Damon was great in the third installment of the Bourne series. Nothing to really be said about the comedies, if you like that type of stuff you’ve probably already seen them.


Sports Story of the Year: Wow, an unbelievably tough category. The Mitchell Report blew the cover of the “greatest pitcher of his time” by exposing Roger Clemens’ history with PEDs. The Spurs continued their dynasty, with Tim Duncan continuing to be the most underrated player in the game today while at the same time an NBA referee was in bed with the mob and potentially influencing games. After waiting 86 years to win a World Series, the Red Sox once again stormed back in an ALCS and captured their second title in 4 years. Michael Vick experienced one of the worst falls from grace anyone can remember. But the New England Patriots get my vote. Armed with a ridiculous roster and fueled by the public condemnation they (unfairly) took in the wake of Spygate, they have the potential to pull off what could be the greatest season by any team in the history of team sports. Tom Brady is playing the quarterback position as well as anyone in history, continuing down the path of becoming the greatest QB the game has ever known. The offense and defense are both great and Bill Belichick is at the top of his game. Of course, the Patriots have not won anything yet. But let’s say they go undefeated in the regular season and then proceed to lose in the playoffs, or even worse the Super Bowl? Imagine after all this hype and talk they walk away with nothing at all? How could that not be the sports story of the year as well?


Best Rap Album: Jay-Z’s American Gangster gets the nod over Kanye West here. While Kanye has certainly made one of the most enjoyable albums of the year, the return of rap’s greatest MC to the top of his game cannot be overcome. Jay is at his peak, delivering riveting rhymes over perfect beats. I always have trouble choosing my favorite Jay-Z album, usually soul-searching and flip-flopping between Reasonable Doubt, Blueprint, and The Black Album, but American Gangster is undoubtedly right up there with Jay’s best work.


Best Non-rap album: Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black edges out a tough field. Belying her truly troubled state of mind that we would find out more about later, this was the most honest and interesting album. However, it does not even contain my personal favorite Winehouse song, which is “Fuck Me Pumps” off her album Franky. Anyone that enjoys her should definitely check that out.


Best New Artist: AMOS LEE. I cannot say enough about this guy. After seeing his stirring live performance opening for Bob Dylan, I immediately went out and bought his two albums. Both albums coming in at under 40 minutes, his Self-Titled and Supply and Demand LP’s are full of soothing and introspective songs that can be listened to no matter your mood or activity. Each album can be listened to from start to finish, but if I had to choose some favorite songs I would go with “Southern Girl”, “Night Train”, “Freedom”, “Shout Out Loud”, “Keep It Loose, Keep it Tight”, I could go on and on. Check out Amos Lee.


Best comeback: The Eagles Long Road Out of Eden. Releasing their first album in many years, the Eagles deliver a double disc set that feels as though they never left. Numerous highlights include “Long Road out of Eden” and “Last Good Time in Town.”


Best Tour: The Dave Matthews Band. I do not see this changing in the next ten years. An unbelievable live act, Dave concerts have become an annual summer event. Me and my friends look forward to his shows all year.


Video Game of the Year: Halo 3. The countdown to the release of this game was unlike anything I had ever seen, and it did not disappoint its legions of fans that lined up the night before to obtain a copy.


Book of the Year: John Grisham’s The Innocent Man. A bit of a departure of the previous Grisham books I’ve read, this shocking true story tells of the miscarriage of justice that befell Ron Williamson and Dennis Fritz, both of whom ended up on death row. Inspires questions about the ethical validity of the death penalty and will have you thinking long after the last page.

Pedro Martinez and the Mitchell Report

In the wake of the (not entirely) shocking revelations brought about by George Mitchell’s report on performance enhancing drugs in baseball I feel the need to point something out. So, for the moment, I will wipe the smirk off my face that has been plastered on since Roidgah Clemens’ spot was finally blown up and bring take the time to point out just how truly remarkable Pedro Martinez’s career truly was. It is no stretch to consider Petey as one of the greatest pitchers of all-time even before the Mitchell Report and BALCO scandals broke, but I think when re-evaluated, Martinez’s accomplishments are downright mind-blowing.

Pedro gained worldwide recognition he deserved after winning the 1997 Cy Young Award and then subsequently being traded by the toiling Montreal Expos to the baseball crazed city of Boston and the Red Sox. Over the next few years he amassed what can arguably be called the greatest stretch of pitching the world has ever seen. Seriously, only Sandy Koufax’s run comes close. You can check out his numbers here (http://www.baseball-reference.com/m/martipe02.shtml) While the numbers are certainly staggering and paint a picture of dominance, they do not do justice to just how good Pedro was. Year after year, he electrified the ballpark and was so far ahead of everyone else that it was almost unfair. He won two additional Cy Young’s with the Sox and was screwed out of one when it went to Barry Zito, who was inferior in almost every stat except wins. Pedro’s 1999 season is probably the greatest pitching season of all time and he received the most first place MVP votes but was inexplicably left off the ballot altogether by a couple disgraceful voters. Pedro’s starts were the stuff of legend, from the greatest display of all-star game pitching in 99 at Fenway to his 17 K one hitter in Yankee Stadium to his near career-sacrificing 6 innings of no hit ball in the deciding game 5 of the 99 ALDS against the Indians (and let’s face it, he just hasn’t been quite the same since).

Put in the context of all of the steroid revelations that have dominated baseball over the past couple of years, Pedro’s numbers become even more awe-inspiring. He was dominating in the golden age of offense, rendering ‘roided up sluggers utterly helpless with his devastating arsenal of three A+ pitches. His legendary all star game performance is even more impressive when viewed through the lens that we now see Sosa and McGwire through. Pedro Martinez dominated the game when offense was out of control, and can say with a clear conscience that he competed fairly. When Pedro is inducted I will be there, telling my child to pay attention to the greatest pitcher in the history of the game.

ESPN

Let me start by acknowledging and thanking ESPN for the many years of superior sports reporting. I am a former college athlete and sports have always had a huge influence on my life. Without a doubt I would not be the sports fan that I am today without ESPN. They single-handedly redefined the sports reporting industry and their effect on the sports world cannot be overstated.

That being said, recently I have noticed myself getting frustrated and even angry with their coverage. This formerly blasphemous perception has been spawned from a number of things. I am a die-hard Boston sports fan, but unlike many of my admittedly annoying brethren I analyze things rationally and (mostly) without bias. But the coverage of the Patriots spygate incident has gone so far over the line that I have been turning to The Office DVD’s or even reading the newspaper during times usually reserved for ESPN and Sportscenter. For 14 weeks we have been bludgeoned over the head with story after story of the Patriots cheating ways and the evil incarnate that is Bill Belichick. I understand and even embrace the idea that every sport needs a villain and dominant team to hate. Hell, some of my fondest childhood memories have to do with the pure and uniting hatred of the Yankees that was shared by nearly all of my friends and classmates in the Greater Boston Area. But the coverage of the Pats has been not only over the top but also completely unfair.

Were the Patriots caught violating NFL rules? Absolutely. Was this transgression sufficient cause to slander all of their past accomplishments and Super Bowl rings? Absolutely not. The bottom line is that all teams employ some sort of method for spying on opposing tactics and/or strategies. The recent revelation that the Jets were caught doing the exact same thing without permission in Foxboro last year only reinforces this point. Also, last year, the lowly Miami Dolphins smoked the Pats with admitted help from a recording of Tom Brady’s line of scrimmage cadence and audible calls. There was no outcry after this form of “cheating” that was used against the Pats. The entire situation is very hypocritical. The prevailing opinion around the league is that the Jets and especially Mangini broke an unwritten rule. Do you honestly think it was a coincidence that the very next week after Spygate Ravens coach Brian Billick accused the Jets of “cheating” by calling out fake audio signals at the line of scrimmage. Something tells me that on the heels of Spygate the Jets would not try to push the envelope and implement questionable tactics, therefore this was most likely not the first time they employed this strategy. But for some reason, they were called out. I cannot wait for “Mangenius” to get fired because he will reap what he has sowed. Nobody will trust him ever again. He exposed secrets and turned on a coach that was almost exclusively responsible for his success.

But this is not about making excuses for the Pats, it’s about the unfair beating they have taken week after week on ESPN especially. What they did was wrong, but it has not provided them with one ounce of competitive advantage this season. It was stopped in the first quarter of the first game this year. The question posed almost weekly on ESPN about a potential asterisk is utterly ridiculous. Should we attach an asterisk to the 70’s Steelers teams, who had many members that were on steroids? How about the so called Yankees dynasty, who had no fewer than 20 players named by the Mitchell Report? I understand that ESPN feeds off controversy, but the treatment the Pats have gotten this year is downright unfair. Obviously this has been eating away at me all season, hindering what has otherwise been the most amazing football season I have ever seen.