What Hurts the Most

Was being so close. Kind of gay to start off with a Rascall Flatts lyric but that’s what rang true most in my drunken haze that was the week after Super Bowl. Over a week has gone by and I still can’t believe what happened. I wasn’t able to watch ESPN for days and the only article I’ve been able to read about it was by Bill Simmons, the best sportswriter there is. When the Pedro and the Sox blew the lead in game seven of the 2003 ALCS, my buddy and I (we were already fairly inebriated) started drinking Captain Morgan’s heavily and I had the luck of being passed out on a bathroom floor for Boone’s homer. This spared me the absolute heartbreak of that moment and I considered myself lucky to never witness a Boston heartbreaker like that live… until now.

When the Pats acquired Randy Moss, my buddy Bill and I agreed that they really shouldn’t even lose a game this year. This was of course wishful thinking but eventually became more and more realistic as the season progressed. With the exception of that 04 Sox team, I have never invested myself so heavily in a team in my life. I planned my weekends around the games, something that eventually contributed to the end of my relationship with my girlfriend at the time (who incidentally turned out to be a psycho anyway). Whatever went wrong in our lives, we had the Pats. When the NFL turned them into the ultimate villain after the overblown Spygate, we rallied around them even more. This was our team under attack, their past accomplishments being called into question every week. This was our chance to silence everyone forever by winning the big one and becoming the unquestionably most dominant team in NFL history.
I lived and died with every game, even imploring my mom who hates football to watch because “this could be something I tell my grandchildren I was lucky enough to see in my lifetime.” And just like that, it went from following the greatest football team of all time to a punch line. After the game I literally did not know what to do, packing my pockets full of big boy sodas and going for a 2 hour walk in the freezing cold. Me and my buddies couldn’t bring ourselves to talk about it… resorting to a 2 am showing of Mighty Ducks 2 to drag us away from our misery. Other fans would call us spoiled, allowing such an entertaining season to be ruined in this way, but they just don’t understand.

The following day I had to attend a wake for a friend whose brother had died in a car accident, a sober reminder that in the big picture sports are really not that important. But sports are also where so many of us turn when things go bad, and the distraction from our everyday lives is part of what makes them so great. The Pats were so close to completing the greatest season in sports history. It took literally the greatest play in Super Bowl history and Asante Samuel blowing a sure interception in his likely final game as a member of the Patriots. But pitchers and catchers report soon and the Celts are finally contenders. So pour out a little liquor for the 2007 Pats… it will take me a while to get over this one.

Clark and Michael

Everyone should check out Clark and Michael, a hilarious and groundbreaking series produced by CBS studios and available only online at http://www.clarkandmichael.com/ . Starring Clark Duke and Michael Cera (of 'Arrested Development'- the most underrated and unfairly canceled series of all time- fame), each 10 minute episode produces consistent laugh out loud moments. Everyone should check this out. Even if the humor isn't for you (which I find hard to believe), it is important to recognize the future of television entertainment. Soon the computer and television will be one and the same... you can already see it coming with the Apple TV and new Dell XPS-One. Users will be able to flip from ESPN to the latest Youtube phenomenon instantaneously. This will change the entire industry paradigm, from shows to advertising. Clark and Michael is a worthy pioneer in this new media world.

Rocket vs. B-Mac

Who’s the Real Backstabber?

When news first broke that Brian McNamee cooperated with the Feds and gave up information on a number of major leaguers, most notably Rogah Clemens, the prevailing opinion of him was that of a backstabbing rat. Peter Gammons even called him something amounting to that on ESPN. While the public condemnation of Clemens has been just as severe (assumed guilty), the prevailing opinion of him is that he could be lying about someone who has literally treated him like family. But when anyone (even an ardent Clemens fan like Mike Wallace or… Mike Wallace) takes a closer look, it becomes clear who the real backstabber of this broken friendship is.

Clemens and his legal team no doubt intended his 60 Minutes spot and next-day news conference to go a long way in placing reasonable doubt in the mind of the public. But instead it seems to have backfired. His answers to the softballs lobbed to him by Wallace came across as overly defensive, a sentiment that was slammed home by the negative body language of one of the most uncomfortable and intriguing news conferences in recent history. Rogah has already been caught in one significant lie (that he had no idea he would be named in the Mitchell Report) and has put forth the downright absurd claim that the Hall of Fame means nothing to him. (Oh really Rocket? What about that silly controversy about what hat you would be wearing years ago? Or how you considered retiring so your Mom would be able to make it to the ceremony?) Finally, listening to the 17 minute phone conversation brought up many new questions and suspicions.

It is pretty clear that Clemens knows that the call is being recorded and McNamee does not. Clemens makes a big show of professing compassion for McNamee’s sick son and overburdened family. I do not think McNamee knew it was being recorded, as he swears a bit more and generally comes across as a little more pathetic than someone would if they knew the tapes were rolling. Throughout the conversation, he pleads with Clemens, asking “What do you want me to do?”. This would seem to be the perfect opportunity to say “stop lying you snake son of a bitch” instead of “I just need someone to tell the truth.” I was hit hard by memories of The Godfather when the informant shuts up and kills himself in order to ensure his family is protected and his honor is not lost. You can just tell that McNamee is literally sick over this. He never wanted to give up Clemens and the fact that he had no choice is eating him from the inside out. But he never recants his story or says that he is being untruthful throughout the entire conversation. Instead, he offers to go to jail for his friend, who is simply using him (and his sick son) as a tool to try to clear his name.

Finally, the simple fact remained that McNamee HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO LIE! I know many people have not sat down with the light bedtime reading material that is The Mitchell Report, but I strongly recommend at least checking out the specific part about Clemens. (Found here: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/baseball/mlb/12/13/mitchellreport.rogerclemens/index.html ) This makes it painfully clear that McNamee is only going to avoid jail time by telling the truth! If he lies in any way he’s in even more trouble than he started in. He has already given up Andy Pettitte, a big name (who has also said what McNamee said is true) and it is impossible to believe that anyone in their right mind would implicate a huge name such as Clemens if they were lying. The scrutiny would be so severe that it would never hold up.

Eventually, the truth will come out and people will make their own judgments. McNamee’s lawyer has recently come forward with the news that there is another tape, this one of a conversation his client had with Clemen’s representation before the report came out. Right now it looks like it will be a showdown in Congress, with one person setting themselves up for some serious perjury charges. Let’s watch and remember where we were when America’s national pastime’s biggest stars lost what little credibility they had left.

This post was written with the help of B-12 only.

Where You Wanna Watch the Game?

Evaluating Places to Watch a Game

Over the course of this glorious Patriots football season, I have had the opportunity (and sometimes, unfortunate luck) of watching the games in a variety of places. Your opinion of the game and overall game-watching experience is very different depending on where you watch it. So, because the Pats are off this week for the opening round of the playoffs and because I am bored out of my mind at work, I have compiled a list of the various places to watch a game and analyzed and compared each one. This should be riveting stuff.

1. Your (or your buddy’s) place: Great option because you are in complete control. Your TV, your guest list, your beer. Chances are you catch a lot of games here and are (hopefully) relatively comfortable. There are few things more enjoyable then settling into your couch with your friends and cracking a few brewskis in anticipation of a huge game, berating Chris Collinsworth or worshiping Randy Moss and Wes Welker.

2. The House You Grew Up In (or house that your parents currently reside): A very underrated option. While I was in school I would enjoy the games that would fall during breaks so I could watch the games in the comparative luxury of the house of my childhood. There was always better food than whatever frozen pizza or stale chips were left over from last night’s shenanigans at school. Watching games in the house that you grew up in brings back many great memories of past victories (and many, many Red Sox heartbreakers) from your childhood. My favorite thing about it though is being able to watch a game with my Dad. He’s the one who made me into the huge sports fan I am today, from the Celtic’s season tickets during the Dino Radja and Rick Pitino glory days to our devoted following of the Sox. There is always something special about watching a game with your pops.

3. Bar: A regular bar is more ideal if you are going out with your buddies for the night and the game is one that can be relegated to the background. If it’s not a terribly important game, chances are you won’t mind if you just occasionally take a look over at the TV in the corner as you grind on the dance floor with a girl who you think is at least an 8 (though probably closer to a 6) trying desperately to make your goofy feet stay in rhythm with the music. Or maybe you can stare through the window as you stand outside freezing your ass off calling your girlfriend or buddy to meet you outside because the bouncer did not appreciate one of your innocent jokes during your cigarette break. Either way, watching a game at a bar will ensure that the game will not be the top priority of the night.

4. Sports Bar: A sports bar is a great spot to watch a game with some fellow fans. It is also a huge life saver if the game you want to see is on NFL Network or there are many games on at the same time that you simply cannot miss. One of my favorites in the Boston area is Roggie’s (pictured), a small spot in the BC area where during happy hour me and my brosefs have put down many a Beerzilla (14 beers poured into a towering pitcher/tap contraption). Or maybe you just want to go watch the C’s at Hooters to enjoy some nice breasts and wings. Either way a sports bar can be a nice change of pace if you want to get out of the house or dorm.

5. Abroad: Tough situation here. Most of the locals most likely don’t give a damn about your team or have any good tips on where you can watch it. Unless you want to be watching a gamecast over the internet, chances are you need to scout out an American sports bar in the area. You will have to arrive early, as they are usually filled to capacity and good real estate for game watching is extremely limited. On a recent visit to London I watched the Pats end the Schottenheimer regime in San Diego from the Sports Café in London (pictured). We had to arrive a full three hours early to get a table, but once we were seated it was basically the same environment as a regular sports bar, maybe even friendlier as fellow American sports fans are so ecstatic about being around each other that the place is even more raucous than anything on the other side of the ocean.

6. At your girlfriend’s house: Ugh. Even typing those words sends a chill up my spine and triggers memories that I have tried to bury for a long, long time. Simply put, do everything humanly possible to avoid this last option. I recently got roped into watching the Pats-Bills game over dinner at my girlfriend’s (who moved back home after graduation) house. After weeks of complaining (justly) that I never wanted to watch the games with her, I finally ran out of excuses when the game fell on a Sunday night I had already committed to having dinner there. I didn’t even know it was possible to be so miserable during a 40 point win. Instead of dissecting the latest Randy Moss route I found myself constantly dragged into conversations I literally could not have cared less about. And I mean could not have cared less even if the PATS WEREN’T PUTTING ON ONE OF THE GREATEST OFFENSIVE SHOWS I HAD EVER (KIND OF) SEEN. I mean my god, one minute I was defending Tom Brady’s actions with Bridget Moynihan (who I firmly believe tricked him into that baby) and the next I was discussing some actress who was saving seals or some shit. Having dinner with your girlfriend’s parents can be miserable enough on its own, but this was too much. I was going insane. The only plays I remember even seeing of that game were the interception and first Moss touchdown. After the game, right before I got the hell out of there, my girlfriend remarked that I had been kind of quiet and almost downright disinterested in the dinner conversation. I almost threw up. Incidentally, this girl turned out to be absolutely insane anyway and I broke up with her shortly after. One day I’ll tell the story of the scandal that erupted when I lightly suggested that we wrap up her birthday dinner by 9 so we could watch GAME 3 OF THE F-ING WORLD SERIES!! But that’s neither here nor there. What is important is that you must avoid this last option at all costs. I mean that.

That’s all I got. Now that I look at it I think that maybe I subconsciously wanted to vent about how miserable I was during that last option. Can’t be healthy but it felt good.